What's Wrong With These Kids? The DEEP Gap

Death is second nature in their world. Is it desperation, desensitization, or the destination of the world? ~jj2019

Every day brings new stories that capture our attention. Today, it's about a shocking incident involving a 24-year-old man who committed an unthinkable act against three young children, all under the age of 10. Once again, the nation is left in disbelief at such a heartless act, highlighting the urgent need for change. Even one such incident is one too many.

Who are these individuals capable of such cruelty? Often, they are strangers or even relatives battling psychological issues, yet refusing to seek help. These so-called "monsters" are people whose mental struggles have overwhelmed their capacity for empathy. They're not born this way, and we must ask ourselves what happens between birth and their first evil act. Often, the path to murder is paved with numerous other evils.

As a society, we must stop nurturing negative mindsets if we wish to prevent the growth of criminal minds.

When we stray from respectful communication, humanity's reality shifts with it. Harsh words, pettiness, and dismissive attitudes have become all too common. Just look at any social media comment section to see the seeds of this behavior. Add to that the divisions of race, religion, and economic status, and a disregard for human needs driven by wealth and power. It's not just about physical death; many children experience a spiritual death early on and live with it until their bodies rest. Their stories often go untold.

Let me share some insights. I've endured many challenges that have crushed others' spirits. This isn't a judgment; it's a perspective of understanding and gratitude for my resilience and compassion.

• Detachment: Whether physical or emotional, detachment can profoundly impact a person's development. Adopted children often seek their genetic parents, not due to a lack of love but from a desire to understand their origins. Emotional detachment can lead a child to seek validation, becoming people-pleasers or isolated adults. Picture these adults in society—often labeled as criminals or outcasts. They start displaying these behaviors long before adulthood. The root issue is often a lack of healthy attachments in childhood. Human attachment is crucial for developing compassion and empathy. I learned my genetic parents' names through the Catholic Church about a decade ago. I never knew my mother, and my father's story is complex. My adoptive parents lacked the emotional maturity to meet my needs. I became comfortable being alone and distrusting relationships. Thankfully, love and support eventually filled that void, encouraging healing. But it took years, and many relationships suffered. If reinforced by pain and anger, detachment could have been my path. When a child's worth isn't recognized, they may never value themselves or others. My mission is to invest in young lives, preventing detachment.

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• Education: Have you ever seen a young child who has given up on themselves? I witnessed it at Club-KLA, the pilot site for Positive FACE. A sweet child's face haunts me, driving me to push forward. I still hear him say, "I'm not smart, Ms. Gina. I can't learn. I'm dumb." This remarkable child was in first grade. He expected me to yell or hit him for mistakes, while I expected him to believe in himself. Despite limited staffing, we worked one-on-one, and his excitement when he got answers right was infectious. He wanted to solve problems independently. That day, I learned what educators have always known: all children want to learn. Adults, too, desire knowledge. When it's unsupported, bullies emerge, trying to discourage others. Poor education weakens our nation. Our intellectual strength is only as strong as our least informed citizen. Education is an investment, not a project or benefit. It must be tailored to each community's needs, considering factors affecting learning ability and willingness.

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• Encouragement: The words you use with a child shape their self-perception. A child labeled as "no good" becomes an adult who believes it. They internalize these limits, hating themselves. Hurt people often hurt others to gain power, losing empathy. Many gang members and incarcerated individuals lacked positive encouragement. Negative forces can also provide encouragement, leading to destructive actions. Encouragement is powerful, offering support and confidence. Social media "likes" provide approval and encouragement. Without positive reinforcement in childhood, self-encouragement is difficult. Angry, troubled children often receive little positive encouragement. To "change the world," recognize their strengths and celebrate them. You might be surprised at how their outlook changes.

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• Protection: Protection is a fundamental human need. A lack of it can lead to lifelong failure. Protection has many facets:

  • ​Environmental: A safe and happy home is essential. People need a sanctuary from the elements and external risks.

  • Physical: Protection from harm is crucial. Physical or sexual abuse, whether witnessed or experienced, is damaging.

  • Mental/Emotional: Sound mental and emotional health is vital for a sense of protection. Bullies pose direct, potentially lethal threats to this type of protection. ​

We must assess a child's protection needs and take necessary steps to provide them. Meeting basic needs boosts a child's confidence and strengthens their abilities. A solid foundation reduces the chances of a damaged child becoming a broken adult. As Fredrick Douglass said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."

How DEEP is your love? If you are able to understand the effects of detachment, substandard education and encouragement, and a failed protection system, you are able to understand what is wrong with our children. Those that are in foster care and have at-risk home lives are more exposed to DEEP ignorance. DEEP ignorance is the failure to acknowledge that detachment, poor education, lack of encouragement, and weak physical, mental, and emotional protection can significantly damage the life of our children. This causes them to miss out on the core ingredients of forming a productive and happy life. It doesn't have to be their destiny. It definitely wasn't mine. But I also have to acknowledge that it is my destiny, with the assistance of ordained professionals, to be a Moses of this cause for some of the youth that had to misfortune of being born into DEEP ignorance. They deserve to learn that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

To date, there have been some awesome wins for Positive FACE including the professional and the results of our pilot semester. I look forward to working with education, mental health, and a variety of other professionals willing to light the way for other survivors, soon enough in their life to truly make a difference. And when a news story makes you think, 'What's wrong with these children?', take a moment and try to inventory their history, home life, and habits. Chances are, the root causes created by American socialization, abuse (physical, mental, and/or emotional), neglect, or substances may have never been properly addressed.