The "God" Stuff!
- Gina S Surgeon
- Apr 22, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Today stands as the ultimate Family day among all holidays. Here's why...
Most major American holidays have divided themes. The next notable family holiday focuses on mom, followed by one centered on dad. The July gatherings celebrate country and barbecue, an unexpected yet successful combination. Moving on to Thanksgiving, this holiday doesn't take the crown for me because it encompasses EVERYTHING! It's about food, games, relatives, and even preparations for Black Friday, with a brief pause to express gratitude—sometimes to God, other times merely highlighting what people are thankful for. And Christmas? It's dominated by shopping, decorations, carols, gifts, mostly children, and somewhere in there, a nod to baby Jesus. These holidays do bring families together, but Easter...
Whether observed traditionally or as "Resurrection Sunday," Easter is the serene family holiday. There's no football rivalry, minimal drinking, modest meals, and no major shopping events. Immediate families enjoy church and dinner, dye eggs, and some even coordinate their outfits. I've yet to hear of an annual Easter Dinner brawl. So, this Sunday takes the prize. Almost.
My blogs focus on authenticity, particularly regarding foster children and adoptees. Remember, not all adoptions occur at birth or without additional trauma. My adoption happened after age seven, and it was challenging enough that I forged my own path by 16. How does this relate to the holiday? The religious aspect!
I might be mistaken. I haven't been involved with every child services agency nationwide. However, based on personal experience and insights from professionals I know, no one asks children (ages 6 to 16) about their religious preferences in a placement home. Some may find this excessive, but it's not. Religion plays a crucial role in a person's life from an early age, forming part of a child's identity with their family. Even if immediate parents aren't very religious, youth often associate religion with family heritage (like grandparents). When this connection is severed, it can feel like the last link to their family is gone.
Religion and foster care aren't unrelated topics. #Google #FosterCare and #Religion, and you'll discover numerous scholarly articles. Courts and politicians debate placement decisions with current and prospective foster parents, yet none consider the child's feedback. Why is this vital? Connection! Let me illustrate with my journey.
My birth family was Catholic. "Were" Catholic might be more accurate, I'm unsure. My early memories are filled with nuns, priests, and Catholic school rituals just after lunch. I aspired to be a nun and cried whenever I couldn't take communion. I knew how to recite the rosary and did so diligently. My religion was one of the few personal possessions I recall having in my new foster home. It became a topic of discussion there. I was only five when I began my foster care journey.
There are gentle ways to inquire. Had someone asked why I always recited my rosary, touching each bead, I would have replied, "because me and Grandma Lois" do it together. I felt I understood what it meant to be Catholic, dreaming of becoming a nun. Had they asked, they would have known. I often shared this. Had they asked, they would have realized the importance of religion to me, and it should have been considered. My story should have at least communicated the need to support my faith. I had endured too much trauma to have that lifeline taken away. I was proud and continued my prayers, but it was seen as a novelty at home. Like many African Americans in Detroit, the Surgeon household embraced religion, but not mine. Initially, there was respectful acknowledgment, a tradition passed down through generations. They attended major religious events and ensured the kids went to church as often as possible. I'm unsure if I ever saw James Surgeon dress for church. Not important. What matters is that my religion was perceived as odd, peculiar, entertaining, rather than integral to my nature. I was five. As an adult, upon discovering the location of that parish, I visited when I was in Detroit. It was closed, but standing in front of the building felt good. I remembered the stairs and could almost visualize the interior, with dishes of water near a table with numerous candles. I felt I could enter without an usher and find my way back to the pew where I sat next to Grandma. I could still sense the moment before communion, knowing I couldn't partake in the wafer and drink. Standing there felt good. I felt close to her again. So many years later.
While states and Congress use religion to debate the fate of children not in their care, consider this... does the religious aspect matter to the child? It can, but perhaps not as some might believe. The key is simply to ask. It might be more important for a child to feel respected at home by loving adults than whether those adults share the same gender. It might matter significantly if a religious practice is part of their routine, even if the family doesn't participate. For me, religion was a connection to a family I feared I might never see again, and I needed that connection to feel real. It turns out I only saw Grandma Lois a few more times. Everything she left me was rooted in our religion. It was all taken away. It mattered.
Many families celebrate Easter today. Some prefer a commercial approach, while others practice deeply religious traditions. If any children present are non-genetic and placed at an age of understanding (5 or older, sometimes younger), know they might feel uncomfortable. They may be non-religious or practice a faith where Easter isn't observed. Does it matter? They might feel disconnected from their entire family, and witnessing your close family moments might make them feel like outsiders. Does it matter?
The answer is a resounding YES! It may not always lead to action, but it must always matter. If a suitable placement isn't available, data can support community outreach. Professionals can focus on identifying families that will provide a stronger bridge during difficult times and a solid foundation if the home becomes permanent. Less favorably, understanding why a child's beliefs exist could reveal areas needing emotional and trauma-informed support if the family's religious practices were socially unhealthy. Children need adults who listen on all topics. The religious aspect must be part of the conversation.
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